Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
