Me. At least after what I've been through.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
