Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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