Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
