If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
