it was like his penis was on wheels.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
