you would pick up someone in the library
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
