Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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