I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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