i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
