Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
