Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
