A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
