escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
the liver wants what the liver wants
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
