Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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