glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
