I cut my penus on the lid.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
