My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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