pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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