Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
