I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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