The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
