put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
