the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My feet surprised me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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