I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
