It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
