it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I pour the whiskey from now on
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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