The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
