did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
