Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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