Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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