There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
