YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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