so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
