Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
