his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She's the barista slut.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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