I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
