there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is wine microwaveable?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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