you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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