WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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