there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
