Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
