my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
