there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
