one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
