I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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