Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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