just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
