ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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