I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
