I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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