the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
