is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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