your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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